


sounds like october

by doctor_sher_loki_d



Series: Avengers Character Study Ficlets [1]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: A big Hulk sized hug, Angst, Gen, Mentions of past abuse, References to Suicide, Tony Angst, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, he needs a hug, no really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-15
Updated: 2013-01-15
Packaged: 2017-11-25 13:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/639491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctor_sher_loki_d/pseuds/doctor_sher_loki_d
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angst.  Lots of Tony Stark angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	sounds like october

**Author's Note:**

> Please, please, PLEASE, read and review. I need feedback. Thank you all(:

_"...in case you had to kill me. But you can't! I've tried!"_

 

Tony's breath catches as the magnitude of Bruce's words sinks in.  He knows how Bruce feels; he knows what this is like.  To feel so out of control and dangerous and worthless that the only way out is to end it all.  Because that is all anyone treats him as; worthless.  He knows that isn't; he's a genius.  He made his first circuit board at the age of 4 for godssakes.  He has revolutionized world peace.  Hell, he's helped save the world!  But it isn't enough.  Not for anybody he's encountered.  Not for himself.

His father was the start.  Drunk and abusive and neglective, Howard never saw him as good enough.  Told him that he was a failure.  Spent his whole life searching for Captain fucking America and treating a dead man better than his own son.  And Tony was expecting to smile through the bruises and the words like barbed wire, not allowed to let anyone see.  They festered, these wounds; and they poisoned a young boy genius thrust too soon into responsibilities that he couldn't handle.  And the people that kept him under watch; were they really that stupid?  Could they really not see that he wasn't truly how he acted?  Even when he was older, after he was kidnapped and mercilessly tortured, they took his smile as truth and assumed that he was okay.  All that they see is the persona that should so obviously be for show.

Just like all they see of Bruce is the monster just beneath his skin, the monster he didn't ask for.  For fucks sake, can none of them see that people like them just want to be loved?  Tony knows how Bruce feels. He knows what going without love does to a man. Tony _knows_ , and he can't look at Steve without thinking of Howard and how he thinks he failed Howard and how he feels like he failed Obadiah and he thinks that maybe that's what made Obie turn on him and rip his heart out.  And maybe that's how Bruce feels; like its all his fault.  Like all anyone sees is the Hulk, and not Bruce.

Tony knows; they only see Iron Man, not him.  And Steve just telling him that he is nothing without the suit hurts even more because Tony is so vulnerable without it.  He bets that Steve doesn't even know what the arc reactor does.  He probably thinks its all for show, some publicity stunt.  Just like all Bruce is ever treated as is the Hulk, a publicity magnet.  And maybe they are both just so hurt that nobody sees them for who they really are.  That's why Tony puts his life on the line, even when they don't even thank him for it.  He saves their asses time and again, but they just think he has a death wish.  Maybe he does.

Because, Tony thinks angrily, none of these fuckers but Bruce know what it feels like to be in a pit of despair that deep, and none of them act like they care either.  But to Tony, it doesn't matter that they don't care.  He will go he rest of his life throwing his body in the way of a bullet anyways, trying to gain some kind of positive emotion, some kind of approval, from them. He will die trying, by his own hand or theirs.  He keeps on searching for a sense of belonging, even though he is so close to giving up completely.  But he'll never tell  _them_ that.  He has a reputation to uphold.

But right here, looking at Bruce, he drops the Tony Stark mask, and he becomes Anthony Edward Stark who has a heart.  Yes, he has a heart, and its a fragile one.  But he maybe, just maybe has hope.  Because Bruce, this broken genius so much like him, understands.  And maybe, he'll even care.  And as Tony vows to become the best friend Bruce has ever had, he thinks that this may be his only way out of hell.


End file.
